Lost in Culinary Crazes

Pasta caricatures of your dinner guests: out before it was ever in

“Is there anything you don’t eat?” That’s the question I always ask any first-time guests to my home. “Well…,” she texted back “I’m paleo, gluten-free, vegan, pesca-centric, tropical, raw, keto and equatorial.” I was dumbfounded, wondering what besides water I would serve, when I received a second text from her. “Only kidding, Sunshine, I eat everything!”

My jokester friend made me realize something. When was it that I began to lose control of my culinary smarts? I always prided myself as a foodie, able to converse on all the cutting-edge trends, but lately, it seems as if I can’t keep up.

All along, I thought SCOBY was a cartoon character. The rubbery, brown amoeba-like creature with bulging eyes and a mischievous grin would dart in and out of adventures in his homeland of Kombucha.

Leave it to some millennials online at Starbucks who took pity on me and explained that SCOBY is an acronym for “symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast,” which forms on top of kombucha tea, a fermented drink made of tea, sugar, bacteria, and yeast. Known for its health benefits, it’s been around for thousands of years. It’s rich in probiotics and is said to actually fight off some diseases.

I was caught off guard when I called for a reservation at a favorite restaurant and was told they were closed for a special sold-out event. Their guests would be introduced to dark dining. All around the world, restaurants are turning off their lights in the hopes that the removal of vision will enhance the other senses and increase gastronomic pleasure.

At the end of the evening, night goggles off, I wonder if the waiters share stories of customers accidentally eating off a neighbor’s plate, bending down to pick up a fallen napkin and realizing it’s not their lap they’ve placed it back on, and navigating those crazy restroom runs.

Leave it to New Jersey to conjure up a union between unicorns and bagels. Purists everywhere are dumbfounded by The Bagel Nook’s introduction of the unicorn bagel, a blue, yellow and pink colored bagel served with cotton candy cream cheese, then dusted with unicorn sparkle dust.

Speaking as a Texas resident, I shudder to think what the introduction of anything unicorn- like might be in the Lone Star State. Picture thick porterhouse steaks sizzling on a large barbecue grill as flames shoot into the air. A Willie Nelson song plays softly in the background, cold beers have been passed around and it’s the kind of day to put your feet up – cowboy boots on – and relax. Are you going to be the one to suggest a sprinkle of unicorn sparkle dust on a rare hunk of beef? I rest my case.

Any way you slice it, food trends will always keep thrusting themselves into the limelight, hoping at the very least, for their 15 minutes of fame until they fade away. The Jell-O salad jiggled its way onto everyone’s table until sneaky cooks started hiding yesterday’s leftovers in it. Fondue warmed our hearts until double dippers gave us concern for germs. All we can do is open our mouths, bite the bullet and swallow hard; soon we’ll be on to yet another version of good taste.

Author’s Note:

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Mocktails for Two?

Someone was trying to tell me something. In the course of one week, I received three messages that arrived in three different ways. Needless to say, they all grabbed my attention:

Dr. Lori Palazzo

I had just finished a story for the Georgetown View about a primary care doctor that closed her practice in order to focus on integrative medicine; finding the root cause of an illness and treating it with healthy supplements and diet, rather than just prescribing another pill.

I wondered how I could politely broach the question of why patients would pay “out of pocket” for her services that were not covered by health insurance. By the time our interview was over, I knew exactly why.

Apparently, Mr. Wiz,* my copy editor, realized it too. By the time he finished reading the story, he turned to me and said “I think I’ll make an appointment to see Dr. P before your article is published and she gets swamped with calls.”

I joined Mr. Wiz on each of his appointments during the three month program he had signed up for. During that course of time, he/we learned how to read food labels, started focusing more on a vegetarian diet (consisting of whole grains, veggies, legumes, fruits and nuts) and stopped drinking alcohol.

The blood and stool tests, much more comprehensive, revealed some issues that could be treated with nutritional supplements. Soon, Mr. Wiz was off three medications and had shed 15 pounds. I was feeling better too.

Green Chef

Out of the blue, Big A* sent us a coupon to try a new food delivery system he and LL* had started using. They highly recommended it for its flavor and portion control.

Excited, we sat down immediately at the computer to choose our meals and decided it was a good time to try the vegetarian options. Worrying it might be too difficult to cancel if we didn’t like it, we closed out of it and forgot about it…until a carton arrived a few days later with four meals!

I like to cook, but it was nice to not have to plan and shop for meals for a change. Every ingredient except butter, oil, salt and pepper is included in each package and menu cards give detailed cooking instructions. Just when you think you can recreate these delicious meals on your own, you open up the sauce packet and realize the amazing “secret sauces” cannot be replicated.

We’ve found having four night’s meals delivered every other week is a good balance and has elevated our culinary palate, introducing us to new spices and flavor combinations. Surprisingly, this self- proclaimed “meat girl” has welcomed the new veggie diet and never looked back.

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington

I was at the gym and tuned in to my favorite podcast. Strangely, it somehow skipped to one I hadn’t listened to in a long while. All of a sudden, Ruby Warrington was being interviewed about her book “Sober Curious.” I was so shocked, but something told me to keep listening. I then read the book and it’s helped me realize/figure out a few things.

Never preachy and with a dry wit, Warrington gives her take on why we should reevaluate our relationship with alcohol. Her Club Soda NYC events grew from a few interested people meeting in her living room to hundreds of young professionals gathering for mocktails, panel discussions and socializing. The book, published in 2018, has been the catalyst for a new movement that elevates sobriety from church basement A.A. meetings to a hip lifestyle where it’s celebrated.

After four months of not drinking alcohol, I can assure you the hardest part is not the drinking, per se, it’s the ceremony around it. With no wine to discuss, order or enjoy, on our first evening dining out, we were finished and back in the restaurant parking lot 21 minutes later.

Eat, Drink and be Merry Confused

With an overabundance of information in my head, kale on my plate and club soda in my frig, I set out to find where I truly belonged in all of these lifestyle changes/trends.

Ben Branson, founder of Seedip, an alcohol-free distiller, believes we are now defining ourselves by what we don’t do. He says “Suddenly, someone who doesn’t do things becomes a better person: “I don’t eat meat,” or “I don’t smoke,” or “I don’t drink alcohol.”

Rosamund Dean’s book “Mindful Drinking” gave those who didn’t want to totally abstain from liquor an approach where you drink less and think about it more. As she says “Everyone is either a wine guzzling party animal or a clean-living health freak. Personally, I believe the middle ground is the healthiest place to be.”

I would like to introduce you to the new me. I am a mindful drinker, with a newfound respect for alcohol and a goal not to imbibe Monday – Thursday. Continuing in that vein, I am a flexitarian- a vegetarian that may eat meat, poultry and fish on occasion.

I am a believer the real message I received that fateful week was that gray is the new black and white!

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

Image by Gabriele M. Reinhardt from Pixabay

Author’s Note:
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