Category Archives: Personal Growth

“Hello, Universe?…This is Linda Calling”

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THE SECRET UNIVERSE CALL CENTER

You can’t just call the universe and ask it to provide you with something that you want. Or, can you?

I have been doing this for years, never realizing there was a whole philosophy built around my practice. The fact that it’s actually worked has given me a deeper sense of belief.

In her book, The Secret, Rhonda Byrne is a bit analytical, but I like the author’s use of the straightforward mantras: “Ask, believe, receive; If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand; Thoughts become their physical equivalents.” Byrne bases her theories on the Law of Attraction, which states that the universe is governed by a matching of frequencies of a person’s experiences with their thoughts. Thoughts are a form of energy; positive thoughts bring positive outcomes and likewise, negative thoughts bring negative outcomes.

Intrigued by the concept, I started with a simple exercise, which seemed easy enough. I was to think of an old friend and see if they somehow came back into my life. I did and they did! Now, armed with confidence, I began focusing on something I wanted or wanted to happen. Thinking it best to confide in someone, so documented proof was established, I regaled Mr. Wiz* with my new practices and focus goals, who, with a wide-eyed stare, seemed relieved when I also mentioned that no involvement on his part was necessary.

Sure, the whole premise of lifting up your energized thoughts and placing them on a fast track to the cosmos may lack scientific evidence, but for me, I can only relate my own experiences. Now, every day, with eyes closed and arms outstretched, I envision and say (either to myself or out loud) something I wish for. I try to only focus on one request at a time.

Since colliding with the universe, so many of my desires have come to fruition, there are too many to count! From small everyday requests to life changing experiences, I can see that there Is a “method to this madness.”

Just to name a few, I have been hired for a corporate position I may not have been entirely qualified for, but knew I could do (repeating daily the voicemail I would record on my first day might have moved that wish along), found a photographer to take free headshots not once, but twice, located the special olive oil I was searching for, found my lost wedding ring and became a journalist!

Lately, I have taken my practice outside, arms outstretched, while imagining the rays of the sun are sparkling down on me and igniting my frequencies. Coincidentally, this was around the same time Mr. Wiz decided our patio needed side privacy panels.

There’s no right way or wrong way to approach this practice. For me, I enjoy the mystical side of it all, so my way works for me. You can do what is comfortable for you. The point is, give it a try! Really, what have you got to lose?

Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

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Mocktails for Two?

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Someone was trying to tell me something. In the course of one week, I received three messages that arrived in three different ways. Needless to say, they all grabbed my attention:

Dr. Lori Palazzo

I had just finished a story for the Georgetown View about a primary care doctor that closed her practice in order to focus on integrative medicine; finding the root cause of an illness and treating it with healthy supplements and diet, rather than just prescribing another pill.

I wondered how I could politely broach the question of why patients would pay “out of pocket” for her services that were not covered by health insurance. By the time our interview was over, I knew exactly why.

Apparently, Mr. Wiz,* my copy editor, realized it too. By the time he finished reading the story, he turned to me and said “I think I’ll make an appointment to see Dr. P before your article is published and she gets swamped with calls.”

I joined Mr. Wiz on each of his appointments during the three month program he had signed up for. During that course of time, he/we learned how to read food labels, started focusing more on a vegetarian diet (consisting of whole grains, veggies, legumes, fruits and nuts) and stopped drinking alcohol.

The blood and stool tests, much more comprehensive, revealed some issues that could be treated with nutritional supplements. Soon, Mr. Wiz was off three medications and had shed 15 pounds. I was feeling better too.

Green Chef

Out of the blue, Big A* sent us a coupon to try a new food delivery system he and LL* had started using. They highly recommended it for its flavor and portion control.

Excited, we sat down immediately at the computer to choose our meals and decided it was a good time to try the vegetarian options. Worrying it might be too difficult to cancel if we didn’t like it, we closed out of it and forgot about it…until a carton arrived a few days later with four meals!

I like to cook, but it was nice to not have to plan and shop for meals for a change. Every ingredient except butter, oil, salt and pepper is included in each package and menu cards give detailed cooking instructions. Just when you think you can recreate these delicious meals on your own, you open up the sauce packet and realize the amazing “secret sauces” cannot be replicated.

We’ve found having four night’s meals delivered every other week is a good balance and has elevated our culinary palate, introducing us to new spices and flavor combinations. Surprisingly, this self- proclaimed “meat girl” has welcomed the new veggie diet and never looked back.

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington

I was at the gym and tuned in to my favorite podcast. Strangely, it somehow skipped to one I hadn’t listened to in a long while. All of a sudden, Ruby Warrington was being interviewed about her book “Sober Curious.” I was so shocked, but something told me to keep listening. I then read the book and it’s helped me realize/figure out a few things.

Never preachy and with a dry wit, Warrington gives her take on why we should reevaluate our relationship with alcohol. Her Club Soda NYC events grew from a few interested people meeting in her living room to hundreds of young professionals gathering for mocktails, panel discussions and socializing. The book, published in 2018, has been the catalyst for a new movement that elevates sobriety from church basement A.A. meetings to a hip lifestyle where it’s celebrated.

After four months of not drinking alcohol, I can assure you the hardest part is not the drinking, per se, it’s the ceremony around it. With no wine to discuss, order or enjoy, on our first evening dining out, we were finished and back in the restaurant parking lot 21 minutes later.

Eat, Drink and be Merry Confused

With an overabundance of information in my head, kale on my plate and club soda in my frig, I set out to find where I truly belonged in all of these lifestyle changes/trends.

Ben Branson, founder of Seedip, an alcohol-free distiller, believes we are now defining ourselves by what we don’t do. He says “Suddenly, someone who doesn’t do things becomes a better person: “I don’t eat meat,” or “I don’t smoke,” or “I don’t drink alcohol.”

Rosamund Dean’s book “Mindful Drinking” gave those who didn’t want to totally abstain from liquor an approach where you drink less and think about it more. As she says “Everyone is either a wine guzzling party animal or a clean-living health freak. Personally, I believe the middle ground is the healthiest place to be.”

I would like to introduce you to the new me. I am a mindful drinker, with a newfound respect for alcohol and a goal not to imbibe Monday – Thursday. Continuing in that vein, I am a flexitarian- a vegetarian that may eat meat, poultry and fish on occasion.

I am a believer the real message I received that fateful week was that gray is the new black and white!

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

Image by Gabriele M. Reinhardt from Pixabay

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Ready, Set, Unmask?!

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I wasn’t sure if I was ready to reveal myself. Being in disguise all this time, I blamed my late bloomer tendencies for not being one of the first to unveil, much like a bear that cautiously steps out of hibernation into his new surroundings.

But, I can honestly say all it took was a couple of hugs, dinner at a favorite restaurant and the opportunity to dance to win me back and I began to wonder if the past year and a half was all a dream. Once again, I could smile at strangers and watch their countenance change before my eyes. No longer would I have to suppress my hugging tendencies. I could shake your hand and not strain to hear your voice from six feet away. 

Ever the enthusiast of the glass being half full, I began to wonder if my mask was revealing as much as it had concealed. It gave me a newfound respect for my sister and her profession as a nurse. Due to a limited supply of N95 masks, she initially had to travel forty minutes each way to have hers sterilized each morning. With so many unanswered questions about COVID, she undressed at the door each evening and left her work laptop outside. Meditation helped her get through those perilous days and has since become a part of her life.

JC* loved living with millennials in her chic downtown apartment, until they all started working from home, never to be seen in the daylight again. This was not a concept that she was familiar with and it took some explaining. We joked and told her had she been employed March 14, 2020, one day after the city shutdown, she probably would have been fired. Through it all, she remained her usual fun loving, upbeat self and I was so proud of her. Alone during quarantining, she worked on her paint by number art, knitted hats for charity, called friends, researched vacation locations and filled up her bucket list.

I perused my phone’s contact list, stopped to think about each person, and decided to reach out to them. Keeping in touch with my sister weekly on Zoom, the goal to make her laugh, brought her, JC and me even closer. FaceTime with family replaced visits and was never taken for granted. Considering time to be a gift, I had no excuse but to use it wisely. 

Though I’m not exactly sure where we are now (mask or unmask?), I’ll make an effort to try not to take anything for granted again. If I do, I’ll take out my collection of face masks and marvel at how such a small piece of cloth could hide me behind it and change me so significantly. 

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

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A Pickle, a Ball and Me

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Photo Pickleball

Though diminutive in size, this one inch pickle pin is the pride and joy of our neighborhood’s Pickleball community.

“I’m bored, there’s nothing to do.” That whiny lament has been heard by parents everywhere, but back in the summer of 1985, little did three dads know that inventing a game in order to entertain their bored children would create a world phenomenon known as Pickleball.

A cross between badminton, table tennis and tennis, this is how Pickleball originated. The smaller court meant less running and helped to make the game so popular. With 37 countries now members of the International Pickleball Federation, it is the fastest growing sport in the U.S. with over 2 million players.

Was the game named after one of the family dogs? Did one of the wives liken the combination of different sports to the pickle boat in crew where oarsman are chosen from leftovers of other boats? Though accounts of how the name originated differ, it is agreed no actual pickles are involved in the playing of the game.

It’s safe to say there will be no golden pickles in my future. According to the official Pickleball dictionary, this is when you win a game on your first serve, never giving the opposing team the chance to serve.

Unfortunately, my clumsiness prevents me from participating. I don’t say that to hear I should just give it a try or with practice, I could become a good player. I know my limitations and awkwardness is just something that has always accompanied me through life.

Years ago when I first met my new boss, who happened to be Mr. Wiz,* I tripped over my own feet as we strolled down New York City’s Fifth Avenue. As I lay there on my stomach in my new suit and matching heels, a crowd formed around us as he helped me up. I tried to brush it off as I brushed myself off, quickly cleaning the blood off my knees with my saliva and trying to turn the rips in my hose off to one side.

The next day, the rain did not deter us and I was feeling great in my new matching raincoat and hat. I was impressed Mr. Wiz wanted to stop in at one of those ritzy Madison Avenue jewelry stores where ringing the bell lets you in and I felt so elegant as we entered. Then, when I looked down, the water that had gathered on the brim of my hat hit the jewelry case and all the security alarms in the store started to screech. As we were quickly escorted back out to the street by the security guards, all I could think to say was “Lunch?”

Preparing to regally walk down the staircase from my bedroom for a first date and then falling, tripping in my garden and on to all the plants; these are just reminders I’m right when I say I have two left feet.

Luckily, it’s all worked out for me. I focus on what I can do, rather than what I can’t and when I ever do misstep, I know Mr. Wiz is always there with a loving smile and a strong arm to lift me up and remind me it’s not about the trip, but about the journey.

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

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Moving to the Rhythm of Nature’s Song

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Photo Rhythm Natures Song

“Are you OK?” My neighbor noticed me lying on my stomach with my hands under my chin, staring at a plant in my garden that looked as though it had seen better days. After I answered all was well, I realized I might have been in the same position longer than I had thought.

“Black thumb” gardener that I am, (the result of city condo living for 25 years), I was disturbed to see some of our plants were not responding to the Texas sun after our major frost. I thought I noticed something green measuring half the size of my pinkie nail on one of the crispy dark gray branches that was once a beautiful full bush with bright orange flowers. Having originally thought it a weed, I was delighted to see it was the tiniest of buds, after all!

If only we all could be as resilient as plants. What Mother Nature teaches her flock is how to come back even stronger. How must a small seed feel, knowing it must prepare itself to push up through all the black, dense dirt in order to thrive? Or, how about a tree whose branches are so strongly bent? Unaware of its peculiarity and against all odds, it just keeps growing.

Watching some ants march past me, I was fascinated at their teamwork and organization. Persistence counteracts any obstacles and goals are met. Instead of those fancy employee team building exercises, companies should bring their staff outside, lie on their stomachs next to me, and document their tiny compadres’ remarkable achievements.

Deep in thought, I realize I am being serenaded, once again, by Enrico Caruso. Having named this tiny bird with the melodious voice after one of the most famous Italian opera singers, I look forward to his daily recitals. He stands majestically on my neighbor’s roof and sings his heart out, never letting his size impact his stature.

Brushing myself off, I stand up ready to continue the day with a spring in my step and a smile on my face. When I take the time to pay attention to what nature has to reveal, she never ceases to amaze me.

Come forth into the light of things,
let nature be your teacher

William Wordsworth

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Always the Student

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Photo Always the Student

“It does not take much strength to do things, 
but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what do to”
Elbert Hubbard

First, there’s the line drawn down the center of a piece of paper, noting pros and cons. Then, there’s some research to be done on the subject. Next, I like to get the opinion of others. Young, old, eccentric, intellectual; their views all get mixed into that big black cauldron in my head. If I’m very quiet, I can begin to stir it up and sense what suggestions will start to rise to the top. Asking for advice and being open to criticism and suggestion takes practice. 

Really listening without speaking is even more difficult. Lately, I’ve decided to take advantage of the forced tranquil lifestyle that’s been dealt us all and concentrate on what I can learn from everyone that I’ve come into contact with. Here’s what I’ve found:

  • How an older gentleman reminded me that in the sink or swim restaurant business, his little catfish restaurant (now 42 years old) has endured, due in part to his motto “We do the best we can with what we’ve got.”
  • How 12 women exchanged their weekly lunch outings for brown bags and started using that money to support local charities in my town. Now 250 strong, this powerhouse of a women’s club has donated their time, talents and over $85,000 just last year. 
  • How one young man’s homage to his favorite uncle, who died too soon, sweetly lived on when he sported a bolo tie on a dating app photo and it caught the eye of a lovely young woman whose grandfather was also a fan of the style. To his surprise, on their first date, she sported her favorite bolo tie and the rest was history.
  • How the tides can change when a young man with a simple love of the ocean became an oceanographer and at 84 years of age wrote his first book, enlightening readers as to how tides and currents actually changed the course of history during historic wars. His first book has since been awarded the gold medal by the Military Writers Society of America.
  • How living in a home that is open to the public 365 days a year is not as glamourous as you might think. “Keep your memory short and your skin thick;” this shared from a Duchess who runs a 300-year old castle on 160 acres in England. On her first day, the then young bride, from a farm village who married into aristocracy, was “welcomed” by the staff when she heard them whispering “Have we broken her yet?” 
  • And, last but never least, how JC*, who never ceases to amaze me with her ageless sense of wonder, spunk and positive attitude, has powered through this last year. Whether she’s painting, knitting hats for charity (she was grateful to have one to wear when her power went out recently), playing Rummikub against herself for practice, reading or researching where our first post- COVID family vacation should be, she is the inspiration that reminds me how important it is to have a teachable spirit. 

If, at times, I can scramble out of my comfort zone, with humbleness and modesty at my side, helping me along the way; if I can walk with my arms open and let them be the antennae that captures all of life’s prospects, then I’ll be content to always be the student. 

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

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Me, Myself and I

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Photo Me Myself I

“How was your day?” I asked. Facetiming each evening with JC* is something we both look forward to, especially now. “Great,” she responded. “I took a virtual tour of the Louvre, tested out my piloting skills on a free online flight simulator and I’m considering fostering a cat.” That’s my girl! Like mother, like daughter?

Being comfortable spending time alone, does not necessarily make you a loner. It enhances your vision of who you are and helps you to reconnect with yourself. Enjoying your own company helps you to cultivate your independent self.

The closing of all the gyms pushed me to get out and walk miles each morning. By 9:30 a.m., I’m back home, feeling sweatier and smarter. Thanks to Mobituaries, the podcast by CBS Sunday Morning correspondent and humorist Mo Rocca, I’ve been introduced to the fascinating life of Siamese twins Chang and Eng, along with others whose interesting stories did not die along with them. On the Condé Nast Women Who Travel podcast, I’ve learned what it takes to complete the Iditarod, captain a cruise ship and visit every country in the world, though knowing that the adventures discussed in the pre-recorded interviews would not be taking place was a bit unnerving.

The swimming pools in our community have just reopened. It’s worth getting up on Tuesdays at 6:30 a.m. in order to reserve a couple of morning spots. There’s nothing more serene than lap swimming; the sound of the water as your arms and legs move in a repetitive motion is so calming. On my birthday, I found just the right lounge chair after my swim and in my little cocoon (with a hat, sunglasses, mask and headphones on), treated myself to 30 minutes of listening to some of my favorite songs. I had a spring in my step for the rest of the day!

With no excuses or time constraints, this was the perfect time to concentrate on my writing. The initially intimidating blank computer screen, the blinking curser reminding me to focus and the series of words that seem to magically flow from my thoughts never gets old.

Rereading my blog posts and travel journals isn’t equivalent to traveling. Cooking is certainly not the same as a dining experience at a favorite restaurant. Maybe now is the time that I’m supposed to focus on my inside, rather than outside. Perhaps I should be grateful for the quiet and stillness that I’m experiencing. In a way, it’s energizing me, refueling my usual busy life with a dose of no expectations.

Enhance the power of that special relationship, the one that will never let you down and learn how to be your own best friend. Look deep inside and get to know yourself; it just might strengthen the life lines to everything you connect with.

 

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page

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Consistency Repeats Itself      

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Photo Consistency

When I think back to when Big A* was a child, I remember that our daily routines had as much of a positive effect on me as they did him. Swimming classes in a hotel pool meant snacking on the free samples from its restaurant afterward. Naptime and bedtime each had their own protocols complete with talking stuffed animals. After making homemade pasta and cleaning up together, we would play the “Puccini and Pasta” CD, just in time for Mr. Wiz’s* arrival home. At an early age, Big A reasoned that if he remembered his manners, he would be invited along with us, rather than stay at home with a baby sitter. As he matured, he understood the consequences of unacceptable behavior.

Children thrive in a structured existence. They are happier and confident when they know what’s expected. According to verywellfamily.com, it provides limits, helps them organize and integrate information into their brains and gives them an understanding as to how the world works. Consistency provides a clear set of boundaries, helps them make better choices, understand responsibility and empowers them to respond positively.

If this makes a child a better person, why wouldn’t it make an adult a better person too? Actually, a routine is anything but mundane. Sometimes you just revel in the repetitiveness that makes you feel warm and cozy.

Once my alarm sounds each morning, it’s time for the weather report. I announce the temperatures in the cities where our families live to Mr. Wiz as a way of starting the day thinking about them all. Then, it’s time for a cup of tea, some quiet time and soon I’m locked away, writing. Dentist and doctor appointments are always rewarded by treating myself to something special. Music choreographs my chores.

The child in me is feeling more encouraged to flourish in the lovely repetitiveness of life that is anything but monotonous. Next, I’ll work on some new disciplinary tactics, giving myself a timeout and no second and third chances when I misbehave.

 

*Who’s who? See “Cast of Characters” on the “About” page.

 

Too Close for Comfort?

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Photo Too Close Comfort

I settled into my seat, excitedly anticipating the start of the show. Munchkins and flying monkeys aside, “Wicked,” the back story to “The Wizard of Oz” would, hopefully, answer the questions I had about the good and wicked witches since I was a little girl. It wasn’t until the end of the performance that I realized that, had I sat back further, I would have appreciated the sets and costumes even more. Sometimes taking a step back is the smartest thing we can do.

Must we always be in the moment? Just as babies become overstimulated from too many sensations and experiences, we too get overwhelmed. Moving away from the issue at hand, taking a deep breath and giving ourselves time for contemplation can make all the difference in resetting our thoughts and feelings and rocking ourselves back to tranquility.

Whether we’re observing a still life in an art gallery or pondering if our life is still on track that one little backward movement gives us a bigger picture and a clearer view.

As it relates to our loved ones, seeing them up on an actual stage, experiencing an important stage of their lives with them or just watching them from afar, gives us a new perspective of who they really are.

Backing up, taking a look around us and appreciating how fortunate we are could do well to reverse those weighty thoughts into lighter feelings of gratitude.

So, let’s all remember that when things get a bit too close, all we need to do is give them a gentle nudge back to where they belong and realize that one step back is really one step forward in disguise.

Though no one can make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now
and make a brand new ending.

Carl Bard

 

Author’s note: Start watching for blog posts every other week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brain Bounce and an Ounce of Prevention    

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Photo Brain Bounce

I think I may have learned my lesson this time. Last week, I absent mindedly walked around the wrong side of a snake while hiking, took a short cut through spiny cactus and may have accidently signed up for the Chicago Bucktown Buck Naked Bike Race.

My mind and my body constantly seem to be at odds. As I make my way through the day, I notice that my physical presence is not always in sync with my thoughts. I may look like I am going for a leisurely walk or sitting quietly reading, but in actuality my brain is planning, scheduling and organizing days, weeks and months ahead.

I call this phenomenon brain bounce. As our minds race along each day, we take our eye off the ball (our current focus) and our psyche jumps on to another mental image and then another and we lose our rhythm.

Women are known for taking on the weight of the world. We can’t help ourselves; our lives seem to become intertwined with everyone and everything that crosses our path. Our family and friends are packed like sardines into our daily thoughts. Yet, we have this incredible ability to multitask the heck out of each day, then close our eyes each night and let the smoke flow out of our ears as our minds shut down for the night.

Human nerve cells are arranged in patterns that coordinate our brain functions. I imagine a woman’s pattern to be an intricate, elaborate multicolored design that swirls and twirls and men’s to be solid, black and white squares. While male neurons probably hum along at an even pace during the course of a day, I picture the female counterparts constantly sparking and spewing, as our control system processes information faster than the speed of light.

As I marvel that this amazing organ is only the size of a small head of cauliflower and my mind wanders to recipes with said veggie, I bring myself back around to the question at hand: how to live by our wits and relieve ourselves of the hop, skip and jump of our thought process.

Here are some exercises I’m working on:

  • Focus on one thing at a time: this takes a bit of discipline, but I’m trying hard to concentrate and tune out everything else.
  • Find the Zen: when you get lost in the rhythm of the task at hand, you experience a state of calm attentiveness.
  • Avoid quick decisions: I need to remind myself to take that extra moment to analyze the possible outcome.

The ball is in my court; when I feel myself leaping before I look, it’s time for me to jog my memory before I am sprung from springing again.