Tag Archives: Linda A Thornton

Laugh and the Family Laughs with You

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June 2005: Celebrating the last day of the second year of high school, shower style, 

Injecting a sense of humor into everyday tasks threw my family off just enough so that before they realized it, my goals were accomplished, and happiness prevailed. 

When Big A* was too young to get a job, but old enough to become a consumer, I would say “Go check the refrigerator!.” There, he would find jobs posted, along with details and the fee paid:

  • “Go Where No Man Has Gone Before”: Vacuum under the sofa cushions
  • “Wanted: Mountain Climbing Experience”: Use a step ladder to dust the bookshelves
  • “Spa Day for Legos”: Fill up the tub with bubbles, wash Legos, dry on towels
  • “Shoe Biz”: polish his dad’s shoes

To lift spirits in the morning, I created the shower note. On special occasions, the event was spelled out in shaving cream and immortalized on the shower wall – until the water was turned on. 

Once, when houseguests were almost upon us, I had to think quickly as to how to get the ceiling repaired. Mr. Wiz* kept procrastinating. Rather than nag – also can be effective, just takes longer – I wrote this poem and left it on his dresser:    

If you want to get that feeling
That will really leave you reeling
And you know with whom you’re dealing
Come on and fix that ceiling!

Ten minutes later, I heard Mr. Wiz chuckle and then notice him brush the dust off his tool chest and get to work.

After that, I was a one-woman comedy show, introducing new material with abandon: serving hot dog-shaped hamburgers in hot dog rolls, and leaving notes on bananas. You never knew what to expect next. I was a mix of Lucille Ball and Martha Stewart, and our little family was a happy, well-oiled machine. 

It’s a busy world out there and your to-do list is not going anywhere, so loosen up, uncover your sense of humor and take your show on the road. 

*Who’s who?
Big A is my son, always tall for his age and now 6’6.”
Mr. Wiz is my husband, who seems to be well-versed on every subject.  

Author’s Note:
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Made in Manhattan

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Every Monday morning, she would greet us, walking fast and out of breath, her soft, Gucci leather carry-on swinging from her shoulder, her long, perfect hair swaying back and forth, and her designer outfits perfectly accessorized. As she gracefully glided past us and flashed her “million-dollar” smile, we would all take a deep breath in unison and inhale her expensive perfume.

We were fresh out of high school, still carrying the baby fat that once made us cute, and now awkwardly settling in as college freshmen in New York City, hanging on to the promise that one day we would be career women.

It was rumored that she would fly in on her older boyfriend’s jet each Monday. She was an ex-Ford model (are you ever really an ex-Ford model?) who was hired to mold us into confident, well-dressed women of the world. I wondered if she realized what a challenge she had in front of her.

We were given an appointment time, and one by one, we would meet with her for a private consultation. We all nervously sat in the waiting room when the door burst open and Callie, a beautiful blonde student from Texas, dramatically announced to us that it was suggested she trade in her white mink coat, knee socks, and plaid skirts for a whole new business wardrobe. In her Southern drawl, she said she had to call her Daddy immediately to tell him that an allowance increase was necessary.

It was my turn. My stomach churned as I shut the door, smiled faintly, and sat across from her. She greeted me and started right in, suggesting makeup products that were soon to be introduced (what other insider information were former Ford models privy to?) and what styles and colors to wear. She showed me how to pull my long hair back into a bun and suggested I buy a braid that matched my hair color and wrap it around the bun for a more polished look. She stifled a laugh when she tactfully suggested some exercises for me to do, and I naively replied, “Do them now?” Yes, I was her style-starved puppet and would have dropped down and “given her 50” in a heartbeat.

One by one, we were all transfixed by her and happily settled into our new existences, leaving telltale signs all around us. To the dismay of the posh deli owner down the street, we bid farewell to his famous roast beef sandwiches for lunch and instead feasted on her favorite brand of yogurt. We all ate with demitasse spoons and cocktail forks (hers were sterling silver), her secret for eating more slowly. We stayed up late to re-polish our nails, so we were perfectly color coordinated the next day. We took extra time to dress and apply our makeup. We learned how to walk and carry ourselves properly. We were invited to attend social functions to practice the art of small talk and learn how to be a good listener. We were taught the social graces and the importance of manners.

It turned out that finishing school instruction was just as important as our formal education. When do you get the opportunity to stand there and be constructively critiqued from head to toe? Just as in the military, it was a form of breaking us down and rebuilding us from the bottom up, to make us the best we could be.

I still think about her. I wonder if she knew just how important she was to the lives of the young women she helped form. She taught us that if you look the part, you are the part. She transformed us from insecure, “plain Janes” to confident, chic women. She was an important role model in my life, and all these years later, after I carefully dress and check my nail polish, I raise my cocktail fork to her and say a silent “thank you” from the bottom of my style-conscious heart.

Author’s Note:
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Oct. 30 – Nov. 3: Ribadiso to Santiago

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Oct. 30: Ribadiso – 18 miles

The wooded areas help mask the noisy highway we periodically cross. We are walking the usual mileage today, but for some reason, it seems much longer, and I am exhausted. 

The only thing that keeps me going is running into the sweet New Zealand family, joining them for a Coke, and finishing the last few miles together. The mom has such a lovely, serene way about her. She is originally from Ireland and said that even though the people are friendly in the small town her husband grew up in, it’s so remote and she feels so distant from her family. Her frown turns into a smile as she shares that they plan to meet her sister in Rome after the Camino.

We arrive in Ribadiso and walk over the medieval bridge to the sound of pilgrims laughing and splashing in the river. We ask them if the water’s cold, and they all answer in unison with a resounding “Yes!”  

With its lovely pool, Pensión Ribadiso would be even nicer on a warmer day. The room is welcoming with its wood-beamed ceiling, and it’s wonderful to have a washer and dryer on the premises. 

Luckily for us, there is a restaurant right across the street, so we don’t have to walk back up the hill. We meet a pilgrim from South America who confides in us that he’s not used to the early 8 p.m. dinners here in Spain. At home, he dines at 10 p.m.!

Oct 31: O Pedrouzo- 16 miles

It’s better to get the steep climb out of the way early! From then on, we’re in and out of eucalyptus forests, and we take in the scent of eucalyptus with every breath. We’re getting to the end of our walk, and I’m hoping I have successfully cleaned out all the cobwebs in the corners of my brain. Chatting with strangers, you may or may not ever see again, has a magical quality. Walking and talking side by side, rather than facing each other, may explain why the words seem easier. Spending time walking alone is a wonderful gift to give yourself.

The town has a worn look to it. The sidewalks are full of shops and restaurants, trying hard to look their best. The streets are one loud cacophony of cars, trucks, and pilgrims. Pensión Residential Platas is not impressive, but it’s clean, and the young woman at the front desk has a warm smile.

We remembered our first time here in 2016. After walking in a torrential downpour, we were not looking forward to heading out again to dinner. When we returned downstairs, we noticed pilgrims eating in the breakfast room. They told us we could place an order at the local pizza place that would deliver. This time, we decide to seek out that same restaurant and celebrate that, for one evening, we are in a No (French) Fry Zone and order the same meal. 

Nov. 1 – 3: Santiago – 15 miles

Walking through the forest is a lovely way to start the day. Its denseness makes us feel at peace,

As John Brierley eloquently states in his Camino guidebook “It’s a long slog up to Mount Goza.” An elevated area overlooking the city, it doesn’t have much to offer except for a few pilgrim sculptures and a view of the sprawling complex offering 400 beds in dormitory-style blockhouses.

We head downhill and down the stairs and are welcomed by asphalt. The city noise, the wide streets, and the traffic startle us. Some passersby on the street smile and give us a thumbs-up, as if to say, “Almost there, keep going!” 

We are happy to find a restaurant serving Caldo Gallego. The restaurant is empty, but a few minutes later, large groups are seated around us, ready to enjoy a long, late afternoon lunch. The sounds of conversation and laughter make for good company. 

In the distance, we can see the spires of the Cathedral, but we are not fooled into thinking we are close by. Block after block, we trudge on, gazing into non-descript store windows and focusing all our concentration on crossing the busy streets. 

Finally, we come to “Porta do Camiño, the famous gate and entrance to the wonderful, old city. Almost immediately, the streets narrow and turn to cobblestone. Every shop and restaurant window intrigues us and we are brimming with anticipation.

As we enter the dark tunnel, the familiar sound of the bagpiper welcomes us. Once again, we wonder -are musicians stationed there 24/7 to greet every pilgrim? Just a few more steps and we are in the Cathedral Plaza. While the majestic Cathedral sparkles overhead in the sunlight, pilgrims, mingled with tourists and townspeople, are crying, hugging, laughing, or too overwhelmed to do anything more than lay on the ground with their eyes closed.  

This is our fourth time experiencing Santiago, but it never gets old. We hug and shed some tears; tears of joy for a successful arrival and tears of sadness for the trip coming to an end. We look up to see our friend, the solitary pilgrim from Colorado, running towards us. 

With a tear-stained face, he tells us that, since he arrived in Santiago, he had seen everyone he had encountered along the way,, except us and now, here we were! He speaks happily and rapidly, nothing like the man we first met, and I am so happy for him and his newfound metamorphosis.

The Cathedral, a World UNESCO Heritage Site, was completed in 1211. Housing the remains of Saint James, it inspired pilgrimages, which ended at this iconic location. The highlight of the pilgrim mass is the Botafumiero. Six attendants dramatically swing it up and over the heads of the parishioners. 

We take the time to view our favorite areas

  • Stepping down into the crypt of Saint James and taking a minute to kneel and say a prayer.
  • Visiting the Praza de Quintana, near the Cathedral, at night to view the shadow of a pilgrim projected on the wall, a trick of the lights reflecting off the square. 

Unfortunately, you can now only view these areas from afar:

  • The weathered spot in the solid marble – a finger hole – created by the millions of grateful pilgrims that touched the spot after a safe arrival.  
  • Touching our foreheads to the sculpture of Maestro Mateo, one of the Cathedral’s master builders, to receive some of his artistic genius. 

The Hotel Rua Villar is an elegant townhouse, just steps from the Cathedral. Our room looks out to the main street, but there is nothing except a large terrace across from us, making it very private. I look forward to taking time each day to sit and write in their lovely library. 

We head to the pilgrim office to obtain our Compostela, the Camino certificate of completion, and enjoy walking all over Santiago. As we stroll Old Town, Alameda Park, and the Mercado de Abastos food market, I wonder if we will see our pilgrim friends again. 

Before we leave Santiago, we run into the Norwegian couple and the New Zealand family, tearfully hugging and reminiscing. I watch for the Australian couple, thinking I will see them any minute, but I never do. I wish I could’ve told them how wonderful it was to have met them. After stewing about it, I realize that time well spent was in that moment, and rather than worry about what was not, I should be grateful for what was.

As we prepare to depart Santiago, we have a big decision to make. Do we continue our Camino by walking to A Coruña, and Ferrol or travel by train and become tourists? 

Oct. 27 – 29: Barbadelo to Palas de Rei

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Oct. 27: Barbadelo – 16 miles
Today, with no mist, we can appreciate the beautiful forest. The ups and downs go on forever, as do the amazing vistas. The water crossings – never my favorite – take all my concentration. I stop halfway through, realizing the next rock is more rounded than the others and I’ll have to balance myself before making my way to the next one. There’s nothing to do but move forward. I finish the day’s walk with even more of a spring in my step, proud of myself for overcoming the challenging day. 

We’re surprised to come upon an English couple who are artists and have built their studio and home on the Camino. We were impressed to see a poster advertising a show they had at Windsor Castle, and we stopped to chat a bit. 

Some words to ponder while we relax

Out of nowhere, we see an area with a sitting area and food offered for a donation. This resting place looks to be larger and more organized than the similar stops we’ve come across before. It even has an area for sound therapy, meditation, and a labyrinth. We are greeted warmly by a young woman from California, who takes our order for café con leches. She tells us she happened to stop here on a rainy day. She said something told her to stay and she’s been here for a couple of days volunteering. 

Casa Barbadelo’s
rustic feel was very welcoming

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We first came across the cabins at Casa Barbadelo in 2016. We were sorry we didn’t stay back then and decided to reserve it this time. Set up more like a motel, with outside access to the rooms, they are rustic but quite nice. We are staying right next door to the Norwegian couple we keep crossing paths with and we finally get the chance to have dinner together. 

He is a tall man, with blond wavy hair down to his shoulders that any woman would kill for. She is blond and petite. They live near the Arctic border and have a house in Spain that they will head to after the Camino. An Australian pilgrim joins us and tells us about his adventures on the Kumano Kodo, the Japanese Camino, and hiking in Nepal. 

We invite a woman from Nevada, who’s about to dine alone, to also join us. She tells us she likes to hike all over the U.S. by herself. Her car is always packed and ready to go, in case the spirit moves her. It takes most pilgrims about a month to walk the French route, but she nonchalantly mentions she’s a slow walker and it’s already taken her two months to get to this point. 

We enjoyed the lively conversation while soft music plays in the background. We are excited to see that rice is offered on this menu. This is different from the French fries served at each meal! The entrée, a thin, delicious steak with a mushroom sauce, rounds out a perfect evening! 

Oct. 28: Portomarin – 15 miles

We could have sat here all afternoon!


It’s a beautiful day and the woodland path is gravel, a nice change of pace for our feet. We walked along forest paths and tree-lined lanes until we came to a beautiful spot. With a lovely outdoor patio, soft music playing, and outstanding views, it seemed this contemporary restaurant, Mercadoiro, was waiting for us to stop there for lunch. It’s no surprise that we vote their Caldo Gallego the best we’ve enjoyed on the Camino, to date. 

Happy and content, we continue onward. Up ahead, we see pilgrims all lined up in single file and now, we remember why. One by one, each person heads down a rocky gorge that sits deep into the earth. When it’s my turn, I take a moment to consider if I should shimmy down on my posterior or walk down on foot. It’s so steep, my hiking poles will be of no help. I stand there for what seems like minutes, wishing no one was behind me and wondering what would happen if just one person behind us lost their footing. Would they knock us all down like bowling pins?

A moment later, a young Spanish man turns around to face me. He smiles, holds out his hands, and walks me down and out of the gorge. I can’t thank him enough. I tell him he is “muy fuerte” (very strong) and hug him and his wife goodbye. 

And if this wasn’t enough for one day, we next crossed a long bridge. What made it so uncomfortable was that the barriers are unusually low on both the river and traffic side. We put our heads down and walk as fast as we can before vertigo has a chance to set in.

The last leg of today’s journey

 

 

 

 

 

We’re almost in town, except for the steep staircase that now stands before us. At this point, all we can do is laugh and head upward, taking turns announcing out loud what we might eat and drink tonight after a hot shower. 

A lovely spot at Vista Alegre

Is that the Vista Alegre Hotel or is it a mirage? The white structure has an almost Moroccan feel, with its welcoming carved wooden door and arched stone entrance. Our lovely contemporary all-white room is crisp and bright. We are sorry we don’t have the time to relax on our floor’s outdoor sitting area or visit the spa. 

We step out of our room and just at the same moment, our Australian friend is exiting the room right next to us. After a good laugh, she tells us she’s headed to join her husband. He says he’s found a lovely spot for a drink, and she invites us along. We all sit at a table by the river and chat. After a walk around town and a nice meal, we’ve forgotten all it took to get here today. 

Oct. 29: Palas de Rei – 17 miles

Sometimes walking alone can be so therapeutic


The weather is cool today, with just enough sun to warm us. We walk in and out of forests and fields, but soon realize those long, low inclines fool us and seem to go on forever. We come upon another rocky gorge. It’s smaller and, this time, we’re the only ones walking down it, so we can take our time and maneuver more comfortably. Feeling great after another delicious Caldo Gallego lunch stop, we realize we are only halfway to our destination. 

We immediately liked our room at Pensión Pardellas, with its stone wall, balcony, and artistic black-and-white area photos on the walls. The shower is great too, an added plus. 

Mr. Wiz reminds me that in 2018 we had a drink at Castro, so we decided to treat ourselves to dinner at this lovely restaurant. On the way, we pass our Norwegian and Australian friends on the street. Both have decided they’re exhausted and plan to shop for food and eat in their rooms. 

We happened to sit next to an Australian couple celebrating the husband’s birthday. After some Camino chatter, he mentioned he had lived and worked in Ferrol. We’ve considered stopping there, are delighted to receive some inside information, and thank them as they leave. 

It seems hunger has won out over exhaustion and our Australian friends are seated at the only available table, which happens to be right next to us! We toast to Camino coincidences, and I’m convinced we would be friends if we didn’t live a continent away from each other. 

Wake Up and Make Up: Airbrushing Uncovered

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Is that really me? Getting my makeup airbrushed on for my son’s wedding was such a treat! Of course, a makeup professional with all the proper high-end equipment makes it look so easy. As the compressor sprayed a cool mist over my face, I couldn’t believe the finished look did not feel or appear heavy. Best of all, it did a great job of hiding any facial flaws!

The only real difference between airbrush makeup and other foundation is the way in which it is applied. Joette Balsamo, a makeup artist in New York City, shared some guidelines about airbrushing:

✔️Radiant finishes may be better
Airbrush foundation formulas are typically drier than traditional ones, as they must be pushed through the compressor. (The more hydrating the foundation, the more likely it will get stuck in the apparatus.) For this reason, Balsamo recommends choosing “luminous” airbrush foundation finishes, which are less likely to accentuate dryness and wrinkles.

✔️ Go for a full kit
Airbrush makeup compressors and foundations are sometimes sold separately, but pros say the best foundation for airbrush makeup is the one that comes with the set. “I think it’s always better to go with the foundation that comes with the technology because they’ve been created to function together,” Joette advises, so there’s less likelihood of error in use.

✔️ Finish with a face mist
Whichever airbrush makeup you choose, top off your look with a spritz of facial mist. “To make the look more supple, spray a hydrating rosewater or glycerin mist all over to bring some moisture into the makeup, so it looks more like skin,” she advises.

To Airbrush or Not to Airbrush?
Since the early 1900s, Good Housekeeping has prided itself on reviewing and reporting on the best products in various categories. Still today, companies vie for the coveted Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. Their listing of The Ten Best Airbrush Makeup Products for Flawless Skin seemed like the best place to start.

Since most of their products listed were versions of either the air spraying or the aerosol systems, I decided to narrow my focus and evaluate their top two choices, in order to make a final product decision:

#1 Best overall airbrush makeup: Art of Air Professional Airbrush Cosmetic Makeup System-
$90 (Amazon)
Includes: an airbrush, a compressor system, six different foundations, makeup for contouring and a cleanser for makeup removal.

Comments:
* The compressor system is bulky to travel with
* There is a definite learning curve to this product.
* You need to practice with water first to get the feel of the different settings.
* There is a lot of trial and error, as you work to find just the right foundation color
combination, using the six colors provided.
* Working in constant motion at the same speed in a circular motion is required, making
sure not to over or under spray.
* Only using airbrush makeup foundation increases your investment.
* The tip of the airbrush gun is very fragile and will not work if bent.
* It’s very important to keep the entire system clean. This involves taking it all apart,
   which most reviews said was complicated.

Overview:
The many pages of directions for the makeup system made me realize it was probably better to have my makeup air sprayed professionally, rather than try to do it to myself at home. Honestly, it was so intimidating that I packaged it right back up and returned it to Amazon, without even trying it.

#2 Best value airbrush makeup: Jerome Alexander Magic Minerals Airbrush-
$19.99 (Amazon)
Includes: airbrush foundation spray, kabuki brush.
With this aerosol version, you just spray the foundation on the brush and apply.

Comments:
* Very easy to apply.
* Application seemed to give the flawless look I was after.
* The only thing you need to keep clean is the brush.
* The price was right!

Overview:
The winner!
I think there is something to be said for an aerosol application versus applying foundation with a sponge. I noticed the propellant created a mist on the brush, giving my skin a more polished, finished look, different from regularly applied foundation.

The best price for the foundation spray and brush I found was $19.99 on Amazon. The Jerome Alexander website listed the same product for $24 with a 15% first time discount, but shipping was $8.95 – or free if your order totaled $49.

Before placing your order on Amazon, it’s very important to choose your foundation color.The easiest way to do this is to utilize the tools provided on the Jerome Alexander website :
* Go to “Find your shade” – top right
* Click on the model that best represents your coloring.
* This brings you down to the color of your foundation, which will also help you make your
final decision.
* I choose light medium.

For over 7000 years, women have used different forms of makeup- for spiritual, ritual, status, for their healing powers and, of course, for beauty.

“Beauty is power, and makeup is something that really enhances that; it’s a woman’s secret.”
Charlotte Tilbury, makeup artist, Prada

“Makeup is not a mask that covers up your beauty – it’s a weapon that helps you express who you are from the inside.”
Michelle Phan, beauty You Tuber and founder, EM Cosmetics

Author’s Note:
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Image by VintageSnipsAndClips from Pixabay.

Perils of a Perfectionist

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One quick glance around each room and I can size up what needs to be done. The pictures on the wall are a bit crooked and the pillows are not aligned correctly on the sofa in the living room. The chairs around the dining table are not pushed in at the same depth. In the kitchen, the spices are not in alphabetical order and the candles are not standing straight up in their holders. Just when I roll my sleeves up, intending to get to work, my friend takes me over to the side, puts her hands on my shoulders and reminds me that we are on a Parade of Homes model home tour. 

Sometimes it’s great to have a keen eye for detail and a determination to always strive for excellence and sometimes it’s a pain in my (hopefully physically fit?) posterior. Luckily for me, I was blessed with a combination of both my parents’ personality traits. My dad’s obsessive, work ethic and drive for success, along with my mom’s easygoing, go with the flow attitude, has kept me from falling off the “obsessive, compulsive cliff.”

Early on in life, I realized that I would need to take control of my tendencies. Riding that bucking bronco of flawlessness, I had to learn to lasso that energy into a healthy focus. Being aware of who I am and actually cultivating a relationship with myself made the difference. It gave me a comfort level that the rest of the world did not see. How could I possibly begin to exude confidence if I didn’t like myself? In time, I learned that the secret connection between me and my psyche was actually a simple process: just stop, look and listen:

  • Stop: I take a couple of minutes each day to close my eyes and imagine how I want my life to be.
  • Look: I try to objectively observe how I am progressing and what I might need to tweak. 
  • Listen: When alone, I compliment myself out loud and let those few short sentences spur me on. 

My relationship with myself is a humorous one. Together, we chuckle at my ability to detail the heck out of even the smallest task. We giggle at the way I prompt myself to hum a tune as a reminder not to review a past mistake over and over again. We chortle at my micromanaging tendencies, practiced under the guise of providing useful information to anyone at any time, whether they want it or not. And we have a good laugh over whether I can finish reading an article before getting up to fix something out of place on the other side of the room. 

I realized that in order to move ahead and see the big picture, little by little, I had to let go of the minutiae of everyday life. This has given me a bit of a carefree feeling so that I now only document 41 percent of my life on Excel spreadsheets (down from 92 percent) and just last week, walked past two crooked welcome mats, outside of neighbor’s homes, without the need to straighten them.  

We are all a work in progress. I now understand that I need to embrace the odd duck in me and realize that I cannot totally change who I am at this point in my life, but I can work with myself and not against myself to create the best imperfect perfect person that I can be.

Frame Your Own Pictures

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She was so delighted with the print she had purchased. It reminded my mom of a favorite vacation destination. She would prop it up against the walls all-around her home, looking for just the right spot.

I was the one that decided it needed a permanent home. I devised a scheme to sneak it out of her apartment in a bag of magazines that I was picking up, and delivered it right to the frame shop, agonizing over the perfect frame and just the right mat colors that would perfectly complement the print. 

While it was a loving gesture and I was excited to present her with this surprise birthday gift, I realized later that it really was not my picture to frame; it was hers.

In a recent Ted Talk, author Anne Lamott reminded us “We can’t arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can’t run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and Chapstick on their hero’s journey. You have to release them. It’s disrespectful not to. Help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don’t get your help and goodness all over everybody.”

I am a recovering helper. For every dollar you have, I can add in my two cents in order to assist, guide, advise, suggest or lend a hand. When I like someone, I have a tendency to go overboard and when I love someone, I can drown them in the H (help) word.

It is said that helicopter parents got their name from the yuppie moms and dads that were overprotective and took an excessive interest in their child’s life. There’s a delicate balance between involvement and smothering and you have to try very hard to remember the difference. 

When our only child was younger and was starting to make his way onto the world stage, he needed us to be his attentive audience, not standing backstage delivering him his lines. Anne Lamott was right; that would have been disrespectful. You do your very best and then set them free. But, between us, a quick spray of holy water while they are walking out your door or a little mom mental telepathy never hurt anyone. 

Back then, our son and I came up with a code word. Anytime I was exhibiting an inclination toward being overzealous, he would whisper the word “Despacio” in my ear (Spanish for slowly) It was my que to slow down. This worked then and even worked recently, when I almost fell off the wagon. 

I’m sure that by now my family and friends all know that I am there for them. I will try to control my controlling tendencies (hidden under the guise of helping), but there may be times when I veer off. One Hallmark card commercial viewed at a particularly sensitive moment may trigger an outpouring of unwanted and unwarranted assistance. 

So, just in case you see me running toward you with outstretched arms, my head turned slightly to one side and that tender look in my eyes that says “I am here for you,” just return the hug and whisper “Despacio” in my ear. I’ll get the message.

Author’s Note:
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Static Cling: The Silent Predator

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After having placed her coat on our bed the other day, my mom arrived home to find two hand towels stuck to the back of it. I still shudder to think what might have happened had she wandered into a Crate and Barrel store on her way home and was confronted by a security guard. How some of our folded laundry wound up stuck to her coat is the way static cling operates. It’s not easy to combat this silent force in motion. 

Defined as “the tendency for light objects to cling to other objects owing to static electricity,” it is common in clothing, but does occur with other items. Take for example, the Styrofoam peanuts that clung to a cat’s fur. The charge of static electricity that built up on the fur, due to the cat’s motions might be easily understandable to some, but for that cat owner, it took a few cold rags on her forehead before she finally came to. 

Some stories still haunt me. Years back, I remember reading about a Chicago man who unknowingly got on the 146 bus for his daily commute to work with his daughter’s entire Beanie Baby collection affixed to the back of his cashmere coat. Luckily, the story had a happy ending, as he was able to sell most of them and pay for his daughter’s college education before reaching his stop.

Then, there are those stories (actually, unconfirmed rumors) that lurk in the static cling underground. One tells of a millennial, with a recent MBA from Stanford, confidently entering the office of a fortune 500 company for his final interview, which was abruptly cut short when the CEO noticed a pair of his girlfriend’s hot pink, Victoria’s Secret panties attached to the back of his Armani suit jacket. As the story goes, after this disastrous incident, millennials banded together in solidarity in an effort to ban the in-person interview in favor of an online dialog. Soon after, LinkedIn was born and dryer sheet consumption was at an all-time high. Coincidence? I think not.

Even as far back as 2002, The New York Times reported that guerilla marketing tactics involving static cling were unveiled when butterfly decals were discovered, stuck to surfaces around New York City to introduce a new Microsoft product. Extremists are now known to carry concealed wire hangers to assist anyone in distress (when the metal is wiggled against a skirt bottom or pant leg, it will release the static). Where will it end?

Static cling may very well be affecting your loved ones as we speak. This silent aggressor knows no boundaries and is lurking within every gender, race and socio-economic level. Let’s work together as a nation and find a way to eradicate it. Ironically, separating ourselves from static electricity may be just the issue we need to bring our country together. 

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Are You at Your Tipping Point?

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The barista smiled as she took my order. Adding an English Breakfast tea bag to each cup, she then filled them with boiling water. When I handed her my credit card for the $10.83 bill, she turned her digital tablet around and waited until I decided what tip to give her: 18%, 20%, 22% or 25%. Of course, I could have tapped on the choice that said “No tip” in tiny little letters.

Research has shown that the social pressure from the hovering of the employee awaiting your decision usually relates to the customer choosing the middle tip amount, thereby increasing the amounts now shown.

I’m all for restaurant industry employees making a reasonable living, but I was confused. Wasn’t that the barista’s job? Just as tip amounts have crept up from 10%, they’ve also wormed their way into non-gratuity industries such as food delivery workers, Uber drivers, Chipotle employees, mechanics, bakeries, delis and ice cream shops. Customers say they have even been asked for a tip when they use self-checkout machines at supermarkets, cafés, sports stadiums and airports!

After a recent New York Times article about freelance workers and independent contractors now seeking tips, almost 4000 comments were received, with the majority wondering how we got to the point where customers have to step up their tipping in order to supplement workers’ salaries.

The practice of tipping began back in medieval times when a master would reward his servant for a job well done. Historians agree tipping was almost nonexistent until 1840 in the U.S. Before the Civil War, many wealthy Americans adopted this custom from their European travels, as a way to show their elite status back at home. At the same time, Europeans immigrating to the U.S. brought their tipping practice with them.

Once the Civil War ended, a flood of freed slaves joined the workforce as servants, waiters, porters and barbers. Employers found tipping to be a way to pay a meager salary, with the expectation that their new staff would earn the rest of their income from tips.

In 1904, 100,000 members of the Anti-Tipping Society of America pledged not to tip for one year. By 1909, seven states passed anti-tipping legislation, citing giving or receiving tips was a misdemeanor. In Iowa, it led to 30 days of imprisonment. By 1919, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled the anti-tipping law unconstitutional. Soon, other states followed suit and tipping became engrained in our culture.

Restauranteurs realized quickly they could benefit greatly by subsidizing their staff’s pay with guests’ money. In 1938, the first federal minimum wage law was established, but restaurant workers were excluded. This paved the way for them to be paid entirely from tips. Today, it is still legal to pay a tipped worker as little as $2.13 in the U.S.

In 2015, acclaimed restauranteur Danny Meyer, who banned smoking a decade ahead of its enforcement in restaurants and bars, was at the forefront once again. The owner of 13 restaurants, including New York’s Union Square Café and Gramercy Tavern, he announced he would eliminate tipping at his restaurants. He felt this bold move was necessary in order to narrow the disparity between servers and cooks, who receive no tips. Though not every menu item was affected, many did increase by 30% to 35%. Devil’s Chicken, a famous dish at his restaurant Maialino, went from $29 to $39.

Unfortunately, COVID ended this policy for the many restaurants that joined Meyer’s band wagon and for Meyers as well. In a recent bon Appétit article, Meyers was quoted as saying

 “You shouldn’t feel obligated to tip on quick food transactions, like picking up takeout or ordering a cup of coffee.” Yet, Meyer’s casual chain restaurants, Shake Shack and Daily Provisions, use digital tablets at their ordering counters that prompt customers to tip.

Though many are not fans of tipping, it is unlikely to be banned any time soon. Instead, an organization called Restaurants Advancing Industry Standards in Employment or RAISE, is working to enact state and federal legislation to eliminate sub-minimum wage payments for tipped workers.

Ironically, our early 1900s anti-tipping movement was embraced by Europe, creating their current non-tipping culture.

I close with a poem written in the 1940’s by a disgruntled customer, left for his unsuspecting waiter:

Your attitude spurious
Has made me quite furious
And so, I retaliate
With no tip on the plate
But, lest it construes a non-pleasurable time
At the lady’s request, I leave you a dime

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

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Are We Liking Viking? River Cruise Pros and Cons

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Being known for what you are not, rather than for what you are has been a successful marketing philosophy for Viking. Named #1 for river cruising by Condé Nast Traveler, Viking proudly advertises their “No” listing: 

  • No casinos
  • No children under 18
  • No umbrella drinks
  • No photography sales
  • No art auctions
  • No charge for beer & wine with lunch & dinner
  • No charge for Wi-Fi
  • No inside staterooms
  • No smoking
  • No waiting in lines
  • No formal nights, butlers or white gloves
  • No nickel and diming

Joking that since we now officially had a reservation, rather than just traveling to the Heart of the cities, we now could say in an English accent, we’d be traveling to the “Haat” of the cities, just like on the TV commercials. 

Our Rhine Getaway on the Viking Tialfi takes us from Basel, Switzerland to Amsterdam. The complimentary tour in each city not only enlightens us, but the tour guides also offer insight into what it’s like to live in their cities. No relaxing in the mornings; tours are scheduled early and we meet our tour guides at 8 a.m.

Basel, Switzerland
Basel welcomes all its tourists with free transportation for the duration of their stay. On arrival, you show your hotel reservation on the bus. Once at your hotel, you receive your travel card. 

Our Hotel Spalentor is in a great location and we can walk everywhere. A small, friendly hotel, we agree it’s more of a 3-star, rather than a 4-star hotel, since it does not have a 24-hour front desk and its lobby and lounge looks a bit antiquated. 

There is a modern side of Basel, known as the hub of Switzerland’s pharmaceutical industry, but we are transfixed by the picturesque Alstadt (old town). We hike to the Basler Papiermühle in St. Alban, a medieval mill honoring paper, to lunch in their restaurant and choose to have dinner at Löwenzorn, known for their classic swiss menu. 

The next morning, it’s time to head to the ship. 

The Tialfi
With only having ocean cruise ships to compare it to, our first impression of the ship is that it’s not that attractive. Its long, rectangular shape accommodates the rooms, a restaurant, lounge small library and outdoor sun deck. In true Scandinavian design, areas are modern and minimalistic in neutral shades.

Our room is about half the size of the one on our last ocean voyage and the bathroom is downright tiny, but the floors are heated; a nice touch! River cruising friends suggest we not pay extra for a balcony, since the ships pull into port alongside, rather than behind each other. This makes for views of others’ balconies, rather than lovely vistas. 

Not yet comfortable with the protocols (do we invite ourselves to join others?) and with no seating for two, we and the other guests seem to quickly get our bearings. Before we know it, we meet two other couples who become our cruise pals for the duration and make the trip all the more enjoyable. 

Breisach, Germany
The Black Forest conjures up the dark beauty of its misty, dense forest along with favorite childhood fairytales. It’s a brisk day, but we don’t mind hiking and then learning how the area’s warm climate made it famous for its wine growing. 

Strasbourg, France
Cobblestone streets, “gingerbread” half-timber homes and those iconic canals contributed to the Petite France section of Strasbourg being named a UNESCO World Heritage Site. 

Built between 1015 and 1439, the Strasbourg Cathedral is said to be the world’s most beautiful example of Gothic architecture and holds many secrets and folklore inside its walls. During World War II, Hitler planned to turn it into a German monument. The stained glass windows, removed and hidden in 74 cases in a salt mine for protection, were later found in 1945 by the U.S. military’s “Monument Men.”

Speyer, Germany
The quiet town boasts the Imperial Cathedral, the burial site of eight emperors and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. We are surprised to see a statue honoring Camino pilgrims, some who start their journey from here to Santiago, Spain.  

Koblenz, Germany and Castles Along the Rhine
A light drizzle does not keep the guests from viewing the castles from the ship’s outside deck. As we slowly stride past, we are regaled with their stories and served hot mulled cider to keep us warm.

Cologne, Germany
Cologne seems old and gritty to us. We’re surprised when our tour guide mentions that the outside of the city’s massive Cologne Cathedral, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, could use a good cleaning.  

With 95% of the city bombed after World War II, leave it to the women left behind to ask the Turkish Embassy for assistance. After sending 45,000 workers, Cologne welcomed them to move to their city, creating the Turkish district that still thrives today. 

Kinderdijk, Netherland
Without windmills, water could not have drained from the flat marshy land and farmers could not have grown fruit, vegetables or tulips. Touring the 19 working windmills that still stand, you can appreciate the volunteer millers’ dedication to keeping them in working order. Despite the steep staircases, small living areas and heating bills they must pay for the uninsulated space, families have a long proud tradition of this way of life. 

Amsterdam, Netherlands
In the country of the Netherlands, in the state of Holland sits the city of Amsterdam. Known for its 62 miles of canals and named a UNESCO World Heritage Site, its Dutch Baroque canal houses combine 16th and 17thcentury architecture with a layering of styles through the centuries. Interesting is the exterior pulley at the top of each home, used for hauling furniture to the top floors. 

Practical Amsterdam is known for its water management and its amazing bicycle infrastructure. We were warned that people in Amsterdam are very kind…until they climb on their bicycles… because they will not stop! Each time you cross a street, you must look left, right and then behind you. We did not notice anyone wearing bicycle helmets (not even babies or children), but decided maybe pedestrian tourists should!

We say goodbye to our cruise pals and head to our hotel Jan Lyuken Amsterdam. Originally a townhouse on an upscale residential street, we instantly get the feel of what it might be like to live here. With a lovely library, sitting area, outside garden and dining room, we are treated to breakfast, all day pastries, coffees, an open bar and hors d’ oeuvres. Thank goodness there is an elevator; the very steep staircases that mimic ladders, would never pass code in the U.S. 

The hotel is in the museum district and very central. A canal tour gives us our bearings and takes us all-around the city, which has the feel of a big village. We stroll along the Brouwersgracht Canal, one of the most picturesque, ogling at the stately canal homes and the many houseboats- some quirky, some upscale. The Jordaan neighborhood’s trendy shops lure us in. 

The Anne Frank Museum has become so popular that you must reserve six weeks in advance on their website; we were glad we did. We book the introductory program, to get more background, before heading off on our tour. You could hear a pin drop, as people followed through the rooms, reading the information and taking in the photos, before climbing up to the space in which the families hid for two years; a very emotional experience. 

We spend hours at the Rijksmuseum, the national museum of the Netherlands, awestruck by the works of the great Dutch masters such as Rembrandt, Vermeer and Van Gogh. A free app on our iPhone enlightens us with wonderful background stories. 

It’s worth the walk to the Grand Hotel Amrath, which was originally in the running as a hotel choice. Originally the joint head office of six shipping companies built in 1916, the hotel is an astounding example of Art Nouveau. We can’t decide which is more impressive: the map of the world made of leaded glass on the ceiling, the woodwork carved in Indonesia or the stained glass panels that decorate the dining room ceiling, so we have a cocktail in their bar and mull it over.

Café Wester is a great choice for lunch near the Anne Frank Museum. The Seafood Bar reminds us how delicious great seafood can be and Brasserie Keizer fulfills our craving for French comfort food. 

Will You Choose to Cruise?
A few days in Amsterdam, off the ship, gives us time to ponder how we feel about river cruising. 

As foodies, we can say the meals were good, but didn’t match up to the flavors, sauces and presentations on our last Royal Caribbean cruise, where my favorite joke to our server was “I can’t eat this; it’s too beautiful!”

Though wine and beer are complimentary during lunch and dinner on Viking River Cruises, guests are invited to the lounge every day at 5:30 p.m. for a get-together. Since dinner was not served until 7 p.m., we calculated that rather than purchasing individual drinks, their Silver Spirits Beverage Package was a better option. 

The Tialfi staff, while pleasant, were much more reserved, most probably trained in the Scandinavian style of formality. By day two, everyone we came in contact with on a daily basis on Royal Caribbean was already addressing me as “Miss Linda.” 

Though not the fault of Viking, when the river levels are low (due to no rain), there are times, guests must be transported by bus to a next location. If the ship is able to travel at low river levels, you can expect somewhat loud engine noise at night. 

The days seemed a bit too regimented for us. With only one restaurant, one lounge and piano music in the evening, there was a sameness to the day that some might find comforting. Just when guests were getting to know other guests, each evening at the lounge get together, the ship’s program director would interrupt to present/sell the next day’s afternoon excursions. We had already reviewed them at home and decided there wasn’t anything we were interested in purchasing. With nowhere else to go on the ship, we were a captive audience. 

Whether you’re a river cruiser, ocean cruiser or a landlubber, get out there and enjoy and remember, as Carl Jung once said:

                           “The shoe that fits one person, pinches another”

Author’s Note:
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