Have you ever noticed how some words just don’t roll off your tongue? They have a sandpaper/nails on a chalkboard sound to them. Who created these ugly words and where did they come from?

Here are a few of my least favorites words, and to balance the equation, I’ve included a neologism for each; a new favorite word, meaning a newly coined word or expression:

Blog

The word blog is a portmanteau of the words web and log. Portmanteaus – defined as two words combined into a new one- have fascinated me for quite some time. Read my post “Do you Portmanteau?” for more insight and a laugh or two.

Two regular guys are responsible for initiating the term, blog, using it on their websites back in the 1990’s. Initially, websites were online diaries, hence the word log. The “B” is said to either come from the word bit, as in small piece of information or broadcast as in sharing information. As if that wasn’t enough, the word vlog was later introduced to define video, rather than written content.

Blogger, blog, vlog; they all sound like words borrowed from a foreign language, but not pronounced correctly. They mimic the sound of blah, blah, blah! Is that what bloggers want to be known for?

From their humble beginnings, blogs have now matured into marketing wonders, yet their name just doesn’t hold up to the higher status they’ve attained.

Neologism: Skywriter, Skywriting
Rationale: Information held in The Cloud + writers: get it?

Fishmonger

From the Latin word “mongo,” meaning dealer or trader, fishmonger made its way into the word world, to mean fish dealer. Fishmongers can be wholesalers or retailers. They sell raw fish and seafood, but are also trained at selecting, purchasing, handling, gutting, boning, fileting, displaying, merchandising and selling their product. In other words, that’s a big kettle of fish!

In his play “Hamlet,” Shakespeare is said to use the word fishmonger to mean fleshmonger or pimp. So, where does that leave fishmongers? And, who even has their own fishmonger these days?

I picture martinis being served at a private club, when overheard is a chuckle and the starts of a conversation: “So my fishmonger tells me this joke the other day. Did you hear the one where the crab stuffed lobster and the Pacific white shrimp go into a bar?”

The word fishmonger stays on your tongue like a raw oyster served with too much Tabasco Sauce. Hard working fishermen deserve more from their word than a garbled ending.

Neologism: Seafood Scholar
Rationale: This will give fishermen that fish-eating grin they deserve!

Armpit

While the official anatomical term of axilla would have served as a perfectly good word, the area underneath your upper arm went from being called arm hole in the 14^th century to the not-very-lovely word armpit or- my least favorite – pit.

Keep in mind, if you meet someone on the street and the conversation turns to armpits, you will face a conversation upwards of 30 minutes on antiperspirants unless you have the wherewithal to turn and run.

I think of a ballet dancer’s exquisite arms raised, as they practice their port de bras – carriage of their arms – and to me, the word armpit is a plebian phrase that has no place in that scenario – or any other.

Neologism: Arm hollow
Rationale: A kinder, softer term even a ballet dancer would be proud to use.

Diarrhea

Let’s just call it the “D word” and get on with my last and final ugly word. It was coined by Hippocrates, derived from the Greek term “to flow through.” Leave it to Pepto-Bismol to create a song and dance routine out of a gastrointestinal disease.

In a recent TV commercial, a young attractive couple sit down in a restaurant. You sense an uncomfortable look on the man’s face. All of a sudden, the woman jumps up. Fortunately, she and the four others, who come from out of nowhere, all happen to be dressed in Pepto-Bismol pink. They break into song and dance, acting out the words- nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and, wait for it… make their big finish with the “D word!”

Meanwhile, the young man, already not feeling well and now mortified his issues have been announced to the entire restaurant, has learned some good lessons: never share intimate health details with someone you’ve just met and remember to make sure to scrutinize the dating websites even more next time.

Neologism: Acute colon
Rationale: A play on words and a kinder way to have to hear a diagnosis.

Next project: I’m going to start wooing the Merriam Webster Dictionary editors to see if any of my neologisms will become real words.

Author’s Note:
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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay